He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
