his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
