Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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