dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
