My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
