Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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