I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize