my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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