twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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