i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
