2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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