A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
be right there i have to get my cape
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
