You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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