I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
