My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
