I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
