How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
