can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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