I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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