Where did you get a picture of my penis
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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