That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
