If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
