the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
