lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
