He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
