its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
