Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
