i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
