i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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