i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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