accomplished twins. life is a go
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
