at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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