the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My dick has a subreddit
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
