whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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