Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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