im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
