May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my poor anus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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