So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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