Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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