I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize