im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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