I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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