can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
