I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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