"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
