Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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