Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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