the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
