make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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