i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
