How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
