Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
