Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
