if you like me you must not know who I am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
