I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
