there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
