It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
