Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
whose parrot is this?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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