So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
