Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I met the friendliest cop last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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