If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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