I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
