also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
