lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
