i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this beer tastes like vomit already
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
