I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We need to get me chipped asap
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
